Ambivalence vs Motivation in the Decision-Making Process
- Alexandra Fisher
- Apr 29, 2023
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 30, 2023
Decision-making isn't easy when addressing the parts of yourself that want different things. What you are probably experiencing is ambivalence. While motivation is a part of that process, it is not the main factor for overcoming indecisiveness or stagnation.
Here's what is...
Discipline.
Something that people often share is that they are struggling with feeling motivated. Usually, they are referencing something that they would like to do, or think that they should do, but are concerned because it would require significant effort. This can be anything from starting a new workout routine to putting laundry away.
It really grinds my gears when people perpetuate the idea that motivation is something we can all access equally as needed.
The truth is...
motivation is a myth.
What you are probably experiencing is ambivalence, which means that you are being pulled in two directions. For example, you know logically that you should go for a walk, but your couch feels sooooo good that it would be very hard to get up.
Generally, if you are ambivalent about something, it means you have not made up your mind about it. If you haven’t made a decision about something, you are less likely to be consistent in your daily practice. Your ambivalence may never fully go away, but if you have made a strong decision, then you are more likely to be disciplined and work toward whatever your goal is as part of your overall lifestyle.
Think about the thing you are struggling to feel motivated to do:
Is it something that feels easy and requires little effort?
Is it something you really want to do?
Probably not!
It is easy for us to make up our minds about things we want to do that don’t require a significant effort. For example, having the energy to get up and go for a walk might feel hard, but watching the new Love is Blind could be very easy!
If you are neurodivergent, this is even more of a struggle - you can know you absolutely want to do the thing, but you have no physical energy or you are stuck in a decision paralysis, or you got distracted, or your perfectionism is stopping you, or…
In this case, the issue is not motivation, it’s executive functioning!
(More on that in future posts!)
Here is what it boils down to...
If you want something, you will have to be dedicated and have discipline. This does not mean that every day and every attempt will be good (or even happen). It means that you will make the decision and then have enough discipline to follow through, whether you feel motivated or not.
Talk to your therapist about how to tackle issues of ambivalence and discipline. (Am I your therapist? Neat! Let me know if you have questions.)
It isn’t easy! Be gentle with yourself and remember that this happens to everyone, and if you want to, you can absolutely figure this out!
Don’t have a therapist? Do you or someone you know need assistance? Feel free to reach out or check out these resources. Or, schedule a free consultation to learn more about how we can begin your journey together.
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